Almost Forever
by the black knight
Summary: Julius navigates his way through the afterlife, and finds maybe life after death isn't all it's cracked up to be.


The Journey After

The timer counted down.

Julius Root, no- Commander Julius Root, managed a comforting smile at the sobbing Holly. "Run," he said softly.

The numbers ticked inexorably. Julius watched Holly cast one last despairing look at the Commander before turning away. As he looked into her tortured face, he knew she would wake up time and time again screaming as this incident replayed itself in her dreams.

And then there was one.

Julius was afraid.

Not of death, it should be said. A man like Julius didn't fear death, didn't fear the tiny minisecond of excruciating pain as his body disintegrated. No, Julius feared what came after.

The fairies never had a firm theistic belief; their faith concentrated more on nature and goodwill. Julius found himself wishing he believed in God, any god at all. True or not, it helped to ease the mind, at least before the _beliak_s came for you.

The _beliak_s were never official fairy dogma, being more or less glorified folklore. But deep inside every fairy knew they existed, whether they would admit it or not.

Julius found himself wishing Holly was still here, just so he wouldn't be alone.

Julius was into his last five seconds. He closed his eyes, bracing himself for whatever came next. Unconsciously, he moved into a fighting stance, perhaps in preparation for whatever would come next. Julius felt an uncharacteristic urge to cry, to mourn for all he was leaving behind and to express his fear at what he was about to face, but Opal was watching. He wouldn't give that bitch the final satisfaction. He would die a commander, chest high and chin up.

As the numbers ticked down, Julius looked once more at Holly's retreating back and heard Opal's mocking laughter ringing in his ears-

--------------------

Julius' spirit, or essence, or whatever looked around through discarnate eyes and saw nothing but blackness all around.

Julius had never felt so alone, not even when Cheryl died.

For a moment Julius was tempted to call out, in desperation of knowing someone; anyone was here, but caught himself as he remembered the _beliak_s. Fear wrestled with solitude and managed a three count. Even now trepidation ran down his incorporeal spine. Julius was brought back to his childhood days, as he traded dark stories with friends during sleepovers, far from the ears of the adults who would shush them if even a hint of such talk were mentioned. They said _beliak_swere- Julius shut out the memories as quickly as they came, afraid of what would spring to mind.

As Julius shuddered, shadows became forms. _So they come_, he thought grimly.

Julius waved a torch that hadn't been in his hand a moment ago. The _beliak_s flinched at the light and backed off. Julius had no idea how that torch came to be, but right now, he wasn't complaining.

As if in answer to his thoughts, a clear, calm voice said, "The torch is every good deed, every kind thought you've ever had in your life, Julius Root." It paused, then added amusedly, "It isn't very big."

"Show yourself!" Julius shouted furiously. If there was one thing he couldn't stand, it was condescension.

A robed being incarnated in front of him. It was… female, as far as anyone could tell through all that cloth. The robes themselves were white and black and quite often grey. The shades morphed into one another. It was mesmerising. "I'm Paecious," the voice answered in the same tone of amusement.

"I- I thought you were a myth."

"Many do. I don't get much press in your land, little fairy."

Julius' expression hardened. "What do you want from me?"

"Want? If I wanted anything from you I'd have taken it already, and you could have done zilch about it. I'm just here to watch the _beliaks_ have their way with you," grinned the Goddess.

Julius risked another look at Her. Up to now he had been averting his eyes, wary of the zephyr-like divine Being. She was… beautiful, but in a strangely removed way, as if what he saw wasn't the whole of the subject. "There's no way out?" Julius asked with a hint of despair.

"You don't need to sound quite so pathetic. Whatever happened to the unshakable Julius Root?" Paecious said, smirking.

Julius' discarnate eyes narrowed. "That's _Commander_ Julius Root to you, Goddess."

She laughed, a tinkling sound. "Brave words for a dead fairy, _Commander_," she said mockingly, yet not unkindly. "Not many people would give lip to a divine Being when they're at Her mercy, you know," she tilted her head.

"Don't mock me, Goddess. I may be dead but I'm not buried."

She laughed again. "You thoroughly amuse me, Julius. I always found you a little stodgy. It's nice to know you've loosened up."

"Death does that to people. Is there a purpose to this? Or do you just get your kicks from kicking me while I'm down?" He asked bitterly.

"Tormenting you? Hardly. Torment is what you get when the _beliak_s get a hold of you. This is friendly conversation."

"You need to brush up on your social skills, then. Don't get invited to parties much, do You?"

"I'd save my witticisms if I were you. Your torch is burning down fast, and it's the only thing keeping them," She indicated at the shadows with her thumb, "at bay."

He shuddered to think what would happen when his torch burnt down. "What… are they? I've heard stories, but-"

Paecious' divine face hardened. "They're… shades. Spirits without soul. They're what you get when you strip a Spirit of all vestiges of goodness, of compassion, of what makes mortals mortals. They're the emptiness in all of us, the lack of being, the part of us that's the ultimate essence of nothingness. And if a spirit falls into their grasp… They'll rend every bit of its soul out until it becomes one of them."

Julius blanched, as far as a Spirit could blanch.

"There is a way out."

"How?"

"Follow me." And She turned and walked. The _beliak_s melted out of her path, seeming afraid of any contact with the Goddess. Julius quickly followed her steps.

-------------------------

The path seemed endless. The darkness seemed distinctly oppressive, and the Commander found himself walking closer and closer to Paecious. He could hear laughter, mainly of the insane variety, and screams of torment. He heard wails of utter despair, and felt his own heart falling…

"Don't pay attention to them," the Goddess said sharply without looking back. "You're weak, you're afraid, you're ours…. That is their cry, that is their song. Ignore them."

They came to a black river, almost as wide as it was long. There was a small boat at the bank. "Pollution?" Commented Root wryly, trying to regain some of the bravado he lost after the _beliak_s.

"Close, but no cigar. It's the River of Sins. You probably have your own current in there, you know," Paecious laughed. "You never were a role model."

"I'm a Commander, not a Saint," he growled. They stepped into the boat, which swayed ominously. The Goddess sat down. "Aren't you going to start rowing?"

"Me?"

"I don't see anyone else. Of course, if it's too much strain I'm sure I can get one of the _beliak_s to help…"

Julius had never paddled so fast in his life.

-------------------------

It was half an hour later. Julius was exhausted.

"I didn't think an incorporeal being could be worn out," he gasped between rows.

"What, you thought moving past the sins of the world would be easy?" She asked, looking up from her book. She was holding his torch as he struggled with the oars.

"Care to lend a hand?"

Paecious snorted. "This is your afterlife, fairy, not mine. By the way, don't look into the river."

Naturally, Julius glanced down. The oars stopped moving.

"Julius." Paecious slapped him sharply. Julius looked up, discarnate face as white as snow.

"You mortals are all the same. I swear, you lot would tear up the world to find out how it worked," she said with a certain degree of asperity.

"It- It was-" Mere words could not have described the horrors he saw.

In those two seconds, he had seen the dark soul of mortality. He had seen the depravities people would sink too, he had seen the darkness lurking in their hearts, and he had despaired…

"I know," Paecious said grimly.

"How could you allow this to happen?" He asked furiously. "Aren't You all-powerful? How could you let-"

"I didn't do anything. What you saw came from mortals and mortals alone. Find another scapegoat for the sins of your kind," the Goddess sneered.

Julius knew, deep inside, that Her words were true. A metaphysical tear rolled down his cheek as he cried for mortality.

She hugged the elf close, and they shared a wordless moment.

-----------------------

Julius landed the boat and walked on, eager to put as much distance as he could between him and the River. Paecious handed his torch back to him. Frankly, Julius was surprised it had lasted this long.

"Where to now?" Julius asked.

The Goddess pointed at the thick forest in front of them. It filled the horizon.

Julius sighed.

"The Forest of Regret," She added.

"Why am I not surprised?"

--------------------------

"The foliage is really thick, you know," Julius grumbled as he pushed past more leaves. The thorns were leaving scratches in his discarnate skin, and the dreadful quiet was disconcerting to say the least. Forests should be full of life.

"Each leaf represents a regret; each tree a mortal." Paecious was, of course, unscathed.

"Wonderful. This isn't doing anything for my blood pressure."

She laughed then. "What blood? What pressure? You're a Spirit, fairy."

"Yeah? Tell that to these scratches over here," Julius growled.

"The ways of the afterlife are mysterious indeed," the Goddess replied as She rolled Her eyes. "Try not to set anything on fire with that itsy-bitty flame you got over there."

"Alright, alright, I could have lived better. I get the picture already."

"Great; repentance in the afterlife. Real meaningful," Paecious commented sardonically.

"Whoever said anything about repenting?"

They trudged on through the never-ending forest. Suddenly the Goddess stopped.

"That's your tree," She said quietly.

Julius' head rose as he tried to take in the behemoth before him… and failed.

"Feel free to step back a little. I know it's a lot to take at once," She said wryly.

Julius was silent.

"You've carried a lot of baggage around, Julius."

"Sometimes…" here Julius trailed off, then tried again: "Sometimes I wish I could do it over."

"Don't we all?"

---------------------------

The forest was finally behind the pair.

"Not to sound like a whiny three year old, but are we there yet?" Julius panted.

"Well, one out of two isn't too bad I guess. A little more, Julius, a little more."

They walked on into a deep valley.

"Let me guess, this is the Valley of Despair, right?" Julius asked sarcastically.

"Actually, it's just a valley."

"Huh."

Paecious pointed to the top of the sheer mountain face at the other side of the valley. "That's your destination."

"Our destination, surely?"

The Goddess smiled sadly. "I'm afraid that this last walk is yours alone, Julius. Whatever you do, be careful. Don't trust anyone until you get to the top. I mean that."

"But-"

She kissed him softly on the cheek. "Be well," She whispered.

"Paecious-"

And then she was gone.

Julius just stood there a moment, his head down. Then he raised it, his discarnate eye glinting dangerously, and for a moment the Julius of old stood there.

"Okay boys," he said grimly, "Let's rumble."

His torch chose that exact moment to go out.

----------------------------

Julius trudged up the narrow, winding mountain trail, groping the sheer mountain face for guidance. Even now he could hear the hungry growls of the _beliak_s as they chased him up the mountain, eager for some fresh mortality.

Gods they moved fast, Julius thought.

There were millions of them. The whole valley below was filled with the swarming beasts. Julius shuddered to think of what would happen if he slipped and fell into the mass.

They were gaining on him.

Julius tried to put them out of his mind and concentrated on the path. He struggled up, determined to get to the top.

Nearly there…

One _beliak_, faster than the rest of the chasing swarm, made a jump and bit his leg.

The pain…

Julius smashed a rock he had picked up against its head and kicked the stunned _beliak_ down with some effort. He looked down at his leg and screamed.

He bled darkness.

Julius ran, disregarding personal safety, and nearly toppled to the vale for his efforts. Even as he rang he could feel the emptiness within spilling out, ooze by ooze…

He could see the light at the top of the mountain. A few more steps….

A _beliak_ was standing between him and his goal.

"Hello, Julius_."_

Time stopped for a moment. Julius studied the _beliak_. He wasn't fully transformed yet, and traces of mortality remained on the beast. There were patches of what used to be its face.

The patches were disfigured…

"Briar?"

"One and the same." A patch of mouth curled upwards in what could have been construed as a grin.

"Oh Briar, they got you…" Julius managed, in utter horror.

"As they'll get you too. No one escapes them. No one…" it said with a trace of pain and horror. And for a moment Julius saw a glimpse of Briar behind the darkness.

"Oh Julius, you won't believe the loneliness, the coldness, the pain of absence. Emptiness shouldn't hurt, but it does, it does. To be alone is one thing, but at least you'll have yourself to keep you company. But with this emptiness, you don't even have that…" The pain was apparent, and a wave of guilt swept through Julius. At least I'll have you to accompany me for all eternity, you traitor." Briar would have glared with accusing eyes at his former friend, but the eyes were the window to the soul, and Briar had none…

"No! Briar, I never meant to-"

"Never meant to what? To disfigure me? To drive me insane? To kill me?" The voice intoned bitterly.

"Briar-"

"You put me here, Julius. And now you'll keep me company."

"No!"

Cudgeon's shade leaped and sunk what would have been its mouth into Julius' neck. Julius screamed as more darkness spilled out.

The emptiness within roared to be set free…

Julius wrestled the shade to the ground with much difficulty. The _beliak_ was strong. It took another bite out of him, letting darkness drip down what was left of its mouth. Julius bit back another scream and punched at the vestiges or mortality on the shade. The creature howled in pain.

"I did what I had to do!" Roared Julius. "Just as I'm doing now!" The elf heaved mightily and pushed the _beliak_ over the edge.

Julius looked sadly at the falling creature.

"You were always my friend, even at the end…"

Somewhere in the Forest of Regret, a leaf dropped from Julius' tree.

-------------------

Julius dragged himself up, all the while trying to suppress the darkness flowing from his wounds. He was nearly there, maybe a few more meters to go. The rest of the _beliaks_ were too far behind to catch up. He just needed to focus…

"Julius."

Julius dropped to his knees.

"Ch-Cheryl?"

His wife stepped out from the light and smiled.

"Those twenty years were the longest of my life." Julius gazed at her with loving eyes; eyes which were obscured even now as tears rushed to fill them.

"I've missed you, Cheryl," he sobbed as he embraced her.

And as she turns, the black patch of emptiness on her back stands out all the more against the light. "I've missed you too, Julius," she whispers, as she takes a gentle bite.


End file.
